I like documenting my newborn struggles. I think it will help me grow as a mom and hopefully help me later on if we are blessed to be able to travel this road again. Although my intention was not to make it about the struggles of breastfeeding- I found my that post to be very cathartic. So I'm at it again. But trust me it was intended to go a completely different direction.
So- next up: public outings.
I am deathly afraid of going out in public by myself with my baby. Here's why:
1. Something could go wrong. And by that I mean disastrous. I hate being flustered and I don't particularly care for crying babies so I am afraid of standing in the middle of the store with a screaming baby and everyone staring at me in disgust.
2. I don't like being flustered. And there is something about feeding and changing my flailing, wiggling son in public that flusters me. Sure it's no big deal to walk into a bathroom and change your baby but you already know how I feel about public restrooms. Plus, I use powdered formula so I can just see my baby screaming at me in the middle of the store with tears rolling down his little chubby cheeks and then boom! formula powder everywhere- left for some store employee to clean up and my baby even more upset because "mom! I'm hungry here!"
3. Ignoring mommy needs. Typically, I can ignore my needs to care for my baby when I'm at home. well to a certain extent. Instead of eating lunch at 1- I normally have it at 4 but that's no big deal. Minimally I can let him whine while I use the bathroom. However, I can't ignore my needs in public. It's a weird thing to describe. Sometimes if I have to go to the bathroom while I'm home but baby requires my attention, I can hold my urine a lot longer than if I were walking around the grocery store. Although I have left a store without getting what I actually went there for. I just don't like feeling like trips were a waste.
4. I'm afraid of being unprepared. I took the baby for a walk with my brother and fed him during our walk. He spit out a little of his milk and when I went to reach for the burp cloth I realized I left it in the car. It completely freaked me out. Once I regained my composure I realized I could just use any cloth- including my sleeve but for those briefs moments I was thrown for a loop and I don't like being flustered.
There are going to be times where I have to be alone with him in public so I better get over this....quick!